I heard something a few months ago that has kept sneaking back into my thoughts as I continue to work with students who, in turn, are working through their own obstacles and challenges…I don’t remember where I heard it, which is so often the case when the universe offers up another grain of truth, but it was something to the tune of, “We marry at the level of our self-esteem.” So concisely expressed, with such weight and relevance to it…Obviously, what is being communicated is that we look for a mate, a partner, someone who will reflect back to us how we feel about ourselves at the time of our search. We are looking for solace and acceptance in the arms of another, someone who won’t push us or demean us into territories we’re not ready to delve into. I find this absolutely fascinating, because in most instances, I believe it to be true.
I’ve realized that it is, without question, my (at the risk of sounding redundant) responsibility and obligation to offer up all I can to those who are receptive, to provide tools to encourage and promote an examined life, one devoid of self-doubt and self-nagging, one that can demonstrate how even our most overwhelming and confidence-destroying insecurities are illusions…tricks to keep us down, to keep us from becoming our ideal selves. And how even those fears and worries are actually uniting…because no one on earth is exempt from these thoughts. It’s only those of us who understand that only by agreeing to those fears, by buying into them, do we let them win.