The majority of the conflicts I’ve experienced with others throughout my life have been based in my not being able to understand how or why someone else involved behaved in ways that I couldn’t make sense of. I’ve had moments with the people who were the closest to me at different times act in ways that I never would have thought possible, doing and saying things that came out of left field and which, to this day, have left me completely baffled. At those moments, I would get completely caught up in trying to figure out what and exactly why it happened, and despite some of those events still occupying space in my thoughts, I now have the perspective to be able to understand that sometimes behaviour has less to do with the person it comes from and more to do with the way that person has been taught…and then we have to accept what has taken place and move on.
Regardless of what may have transpired with those around us throughout our lives, I believe that everyone has lived moments similar to what I’m bringing up. And I also believe that each and every one of us has acted in ways that have left others scratching their heads and wondering how we could be so sensitive/insensitive/weak/strong/selfish/selfless. What I have spent years learning and what I know now to be true is that regardless of what we or others do, we need to be able to separate the action from the essence. Everyone behaves in ways they’re not proud of, and everyone’s behaviours, at some point, become the tool that the ego uses to feed itself. Regardless of how we’ve been spurned or how we have spurned others, let’s look at differentiating between the behaviour and the person. We all act in ways that we regret at any given moment…I know that when I lose my temper, I see my father’s temper come out of me, and I despised it growing up. With that said, I understand that the temper is not me, nor is it my father. It is an extension of the teachings we have both been given throughout our upbringing that created it, and as I’ve said before, we spend the first half of our lives learning, and the second half unlearning. And so I see how my father has learned to disassociate from that anger and not allow it to manifest, to not validate it by allowing it to take form. And although I’m pretty laid back, my temper occasionally flares up and reminds me that it exists, and I welcome it as a marker of how we all act in ways that are the polar opposite of where and how we ideally see ourselves. Ultimately, the opportunity for reflection lies in respecting that ideal self and ensuring that what we say and do reflects where and who we innately are and want to be.
With that in mind, I can look back at the baffling moments that have sometimes destroyed the relationships I held dearest to me, and understand that people act in ways that they often cannot control and end up regretting, as those actions doesn’t portray them truthfully, as they see themselves and as they want to be seen. I can disassociate the behaviour from the person. It allows me to remove hate from my vernacular, so that I can identify bad behaviour without having it define and tarnish the being it comes from. The whole point to examining ourselves and others in this manner is to not only become fully accountable for when we behave in less-than-stellar ways, but to learn how to prevent those behaviours from forming and reflecting back on us. Our greatest task in this life is to understand that there has been a massive spiritual disconnect throughout mankind, and that our mission in life is to reconnect to it. Seeing the people behind the ego-driven behaviours is necessary for us to understand how we are united, and it is through that unity that we will grow and evolve as a species. So I’m putting it out there for you all…to look at those moments of confusion throughout your lives, look at the behaviours not only in others, but in yourselves as well, and look for the space that exists between them and the person behind them. Look for the essence of who you and they are, and don’t forget it…especially the next time something comes up that would ordinarily leave you baffled. If changing our lives involves changing our approach to life, let’s make this change and see how it affects us…and let me know how it goes 🙂
challenging homework.. 🙂 totally worth the effort.
love, love and love again.
This entry really spoke to me as I’m dealing with someone’s attitude and behavior that is so hurtful to me that it has become very difficult not to judge.