In the final stretch of 2010, I can honestly say that the further I travel down the path I currently find myself on, the more familiar I find the surroundings, despite knowing that I’m seeing many of them for the first time. I realize that the concept in itself is extremely abstract, but I really feel like the incredible highs that I’m currently experiencing in my life keep pointing me in the direction I already find myself moving towards…and as incredible events continue to unfold, I’m amazed at how grounded I feel…completely unfazed by the simple grandeur of it all, solidly confident in myself and my abilities. This is a massive revelation for me, because I went through the majority of my life coasting…through jobs that I didn’t feel passionate about, mainly, but that lacklustre approach to my professional life definitely affected what I expected from life and allowed me to mainline in a space of mediocrity and acceptance.
My last blog entry gave me the opportunity to announce a major book project that I decided to tackle, one that already has, and will continue to demand much of my time, focus and energy. When I first started teaching yoga I felt indestructible, which laid the foundation for what I felt was a blinding ambition to do the absolute best job possible conveying what I was learning to my students. As I now find myself in the preliminary stages of working on my book proposal and speaking to people about being a part of it, I find myself once again schooled by life: although producing this book is a literal extension of my desire to help people by giving them a tool to inspire them to feel less isolated and alone, ambition now has no part in the equation. In fact, I mistakenly identified what I thought was ambition over a year ago, instead of seeing it as a pure sense of responsibility combined with obligation. Now, before I go on, I want to make sure that my usage of “obligation” doesn’t infer needing to act against my better judgement, or that I was somehow silencing an inner voice that went against my actions…quite the opposite, really. As someone who is in a position to convey insights to people who are paying attention to me, I’ve realized how serious the responsibility that I’ve assumed is. I’ve realized that it is, without question, my (at the risk of sounding redundant) responsibility and obligation to offer up all I can to those who are receptive, to provide tools to encourage and promote an examined life, one devoid of self-doubt and self-nagging, one that can demonstrate how even our most overwhelming and confidence-destroying insecurities are illusions…tricks to keep us down, to keep us from becoming our ideal selves. And how even those fears and worries are actually uniting…because no one on earth is exempt from these thoughts. It’s only those of us who understand that only by agreeing to those fears, by buying into them, do we let them win. That’s my mission…to help people live less chaotically by providing tools they can keep referring to…to remind them where their focus needs to be, and where their energies are simply lost.
Again, I’ll put it out there: if any of you reading this have lived through something that has changed your life, in any way, and you are willing to be photographed, get in touch with me. Understand that participating in this project will be somewhat of a catharsis, not only for you, but for myself as well. And if you would prefer not to take part, I completely understand. This project will be a win-win for everyone…and now I’ll get back to working on it.